... *________________________* ::drools all over your head::

-Chien

I like it.

"well it
it drives."

The repetition doesn't sound good -- either omit it or add puntuation to distinguish it.

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mimesis, the poetry journal

Buy Mimesis issue one here.
Buy Mimesis issue two here.

I agree with the previous comment too, but over all its really good. Everything else flows quite well.

favorite line: "we'll find a permanence on sunrise."

your language is so rich. even if i don't understand what is going on i like the sound of it heh

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share the love

i too like the idea of a permanent sunrise. it seems like it should be cliché it's so good. but it just isn't. if you see what i mean.

i liked this. some fantastic images in a solid, but interesting structure. all is good.

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"Joan of Arc had style. Jesus had style." - Charles Bukowski

slap in the face be the case.

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love so deep, kills you in your sleep

oh, to our increased girth sounds better as towards.

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love so deep, kills you in your sleep

retching?

That whole phrase is fantastic. "Out of this side, we'll find a permanence on sunrise."

I also love the opener, "A ghostly referendum, we are voting on more."
This is pretty awesome, and when I read it I find direct social commentary on America. I don't know if you meant it that way, but "Their crucifixions reach not to us, because we are bigger this time," makes me think IMMEDIATELY of the Freedom Tower we're sticking up in place of the last example those of different ideals made of us.

And our increased girth at once bring to mind how fat Americans are as a people, and how greedy we are as a people, gaining nonliteral girth in wealth and power, and how our courtesies are "skewered lateral" to that...I imagine that means they keep getting pushed outwards to stay lateral with the growth, possibly until we lose sight of them.

Tired courtesy irks me.

I could go into detail about what I think of the rest of it but it gets pretty convoluted and departs from the actual writing a lot. It's neat.

A lot of your writing is interesting and fantastic, I just hope you look at these again and put more thought into any messages you are trying to communicate to possibly make them a bit clearer. I used to think good poetry was anything obtuse enough to inspire wild emotion and conjecture on the part of the reader, but I understand now that while capturing raw emotion has its place, being confusing in lieu of being well-spoken and being obtuse in lieu of being clear but ornate are not good tactics.

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A Cow fighting for a better world.
...
For Cows.